Seaside Heights of New Jersey is known to all.

We have families who go there for vacation, we have people we would refer to as “normal party goers” and then we have Guido’s and their counterpart that worship them which is referred to as the Guidette (The Female version Of The Guido .)  Seaside Heights is a good time – the food is greasy and great, the pizza slices are bigger than most people’s heads and the old fashioned boardwalk is a masterpiece frozen in time.  During the day – you are more or less Guido free on the streets as most of them sleep the day away or hang out in a Guido Section of Beach called Joey Harrisons Surf Club – which is located right next to Seaside Heights in neighboring Guido haven Ortley Beach .  But – It is the nightlife where the subculture of Guido Freaks truly come out in Bronze Face and start the clown show.  You will know them when you see them and you’ll be dipleased with their obnoxious existence and you’ll also chuckle at their utter patheticness.  Their one of few where the joke is on them and they don’t even know it.  It is truly a site to see.

Now unlike other states that refer to a coastal getaway as going to the Beach or going to the Ocean – us people in Jersey refer to it as “Going Down The Shore.” Or simply – “Going To The Shore.” Considering that most of the Guido Culture is of Northern Jerseyans – “I’m Going Down the Shore” is most often the way it is referred to as.   Read this Old School Mission Statement for a good laugh that reflects the time it was written.  Enjoy the Tirade Your About To Read!

THE MISSION STATEMENT OF NJ-GUIDO.COM

This Mission Statement Was Written in July of 2004 & Never Updated. Reason being – why bother. You get the point! The Site has evolved and changed and has gotten much better in terms of quality and website design but we still stick to our mantra of “Who gives a shit what other people think about us.”

The Inspiration for The Mission Statement – A Little Background Information about how this Mission Statement Came to be in the first place.

The Following was Written on a spur of the moment rant sometime during the night after seeing some sauce heads somewhere do what they do best – annoy non guido’s which makeup the remaining 99.999999999999999999% of the worlds population.

The Mission statement of NJ-Guido is very simple. If you understand our statement before even reading this then your probably a good guy or gal like ourselves. If your reading this and have absolutely no clue as to what our mission statement is at NJ-Guido.com then your obviously a self conscience needle sticking, fist pumping, I’ll wear whatever is the latest trend even if it says I lick big black schlong, I lease a cheap model BMW for $300.00 a month and only make $500.00 a month selling E to young kids at Temps, I’m almost 30 and never moved out of Mommy & Daddy’s house, moron pathetic degenerate. Can you tell I’m only a little bit pissed off? Well yes, I’m one of many people who have had enough of visiting these clubs that are home to the visiting circus every night of the week. Call me completely “old fashioned” or “moronic” but I just don’t understand the fascination that men have dancing in a circle with their shirts off. I mean as a normal heterosexual man I could understand at least the juice monkey’s who dance like morons……..but with at least a woman in front of their genitalia.

BUT!

For the men who choose to take off their shirts to show every other male in the house that they too have paid fine cash for their needles to stick in their ass to achieve “Water Saturated Muscles”……………I can only laugh and at the same time get extremely agitated…….but I mostly can’t stop laughing. I mean if grandma could just see her grandson Vinnie dancing in Temps on a Saturday Night in the middle of the summer……..sandwiched like a sardin in a can amongst a million other idiots who are all wearing the same clothing and sunglasses might I add………..holding a water bottle in his left hand as he pumps his right hand into the air with his shirt off…………….ass to ass against some guy named Tony who’s doing the same thing with his ass rubbing up against some guy named Joey…………………dancing in a big “Sausage Fest” circle……………………..HAHAHA! And your actually telling me that Vinnie goes home at night and thinks back to how great it felt when he danced gayly to some ridiculously overly simplified dance beat played by some 40 year old deejay (Whose best days ended with Ace of Base in 1996) in a club he payed $25.00 to get into and go home with his dick in his hand. I would have to say that dear old Vinnie is one of thousands of new age “Guido Wiggers” who deep down inside hate themselves and everything they try to be…………which can’t be saying much of anything because their such copycat clowns.

This site will be the sanctuary home for anybody who wants to let off some steam and get a good laugh off at these homo guido’s of today. The whole thing with the big juiced up muscles is just fascinatingly stupid when you think about it. Back in the day you had a handful of really big guys in the clubs who spent all year in the gym while the rest of the guys where just normal “Vinnie’s” and “Joey’s.” The big guys with big muscles got respect from the not so big guys in the club and this was a great ego booster to their low self esteem (which lead them to lift and get enormously huge in the first place.) Then somewhere in the late 90′s every other average Joe decided that they too wanted huge muscles but without having to work for them……….HENCE………….the juice invasion…………….NEEDLES BEGAN SELLING OFF THE HOOK and kids with pipe cleaner arms had swelled up gorilla arms within 2 months………just in time for the big memorial day weekend Guido Fest.

This was also around the time that Rap Music entered into the ordinary Guido’s lifestyle. I mean if Z100 was playing it………….then they had to accept the music and find a home within their realm of Guidoness. And one last thing that has always cracked me up but is now even more hilarious than back in the early days of the guidos back in 1987 or so………….THE WANNABE’S. To be a guido is very simple…………..you must carry Italian blood primarily in your veins and you must play the part of dress up and image. Now I have nothing against the following ethnic groups but I just can’t believe the lengths people will go to be accepted into a group and in this case…………..a jerkoff fucking fraternity of overzealous pricks.

All Non Italian Nationalities……………………HAHAHAHA…………….FACE IT BOYS…………………..YOU WILL NEVER TRULY BE A GUIDO OR BETTER YET………….AN “ACCEPTED” GUIDO. Maybe you hang within a group of Italian kids and they themselves accept you…………..BUT…………….every other person who doesn’t know you will label you a FUCKING CLOWN. I really laugh when I see these Asian Guido mother fuckers………….I mean buddy……………….go back to the nerdy computer days when all you did was get A’s in high school and go home and build fucking computers………….and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing……………..that’s a good thing………………….BECAUSE………………………….we don’t need anymore “REBEL Asian Wannabe’s”

Definition of a Rebel Asian: A person of Asian ethnicity who is second generation, third generation or beyond within the United States and wants to heavily be accepted and put the stereotype of “old world, old generation” goody boy behind. They are embarrassed that their parents carry good morals and live a very respectful life in the community and they actually resent the fact that they don’t come from a “tough guy background” family and they will try their best to be like a Guido and most of all they will do their best to act tough even though they have 3 inch pipes………..and that’s when fully excited.  Without that excitement were talking turtle head buddy.

In conclusion of our mission statement here at NJ-Guido.com I just want to let you Guido bums know that we can care less how shitty or poorly designed this site looks…………that’s not our intent to run a perfect little paradise site for you clowns to see your pics after pumping your fists after the weekends. This site is a site for people who think Guido’s of New Jersey are fucking clowns……………………………….

Be Original!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JF